Okay, you're here for a real conversation. I'm happy to have one...as long as you promise not to laugh.
My husband was the one who suggested to me that I might be in perimenopause. He didn't use those exact words, but he's the one who pointed me in that direction.
It was late last year, and my period was late...again. This was the second time that my period had been late in the past year, and this time it was late by 54 days. Let me tell you something about my body - you could set a clock by my period for the majority of my adult life. Every 26-28 days...without fail. Having it be this late sent my mind spinning. I couldn't become a mom again at 43! I know women who have, but as the mother to a then 18 year old son, I knew that my baby raising days were long gone. I was down in Louisiana visiting my in-laws, and when we returned home to NYC, I told my husband that I think I needed to take a pregnancy test. The look on his face was one of pure shock. He asked why, and I explained that my period was 54 days late. His face softened into a small smile. He very gently told me that, no, he didn't think that I was pregnant. He thought that I was getting older, and that my "body was changing".
As soon as he said it, a lightbulb went off in my head. I could not believe that I hadn't realized what it took him all of two seconds to piece together. I knew all about perimenopause, but somehow, I didn't think that it could happen to me...at least not yet.
I thought back and went over the symptoms that I definitely experienced, and saw them in a different light.
Missing periods This is often the biggest sign that you are in perimenopause - especially if it's a big change in your normal menstrual cycle.
Hot flashes If you have never experienced a hot flash, I can only describe it as the most intense and sudden heat spreading all over your chest, face, and arms. As someone who is almost always cold, this one should've gotten my attention sooner.
Night sweats I blamed being hot on the too heavy blanket, the heat that never shuts off in NYC apartment buildings, and wearing too much clothing to bed. It didn't strike me as odd that when I went to bed in nothing but a tiny nightie, I still woke up sweating.
Mood Swings As someone who battles anxiety, these didn't seem that different from my normal PMS induced mood swings.
Sleeplessness I chalked this up to having my only child start college at a campus 4 hours away. I had also just lost my mom, and figured that this could also be contributing to it.
Heart Palpitations Hmmm...I had no answer for these. They were infrequent, but I thought that my body was just being "weird".
Dry and/or Itchy Skin My super sensitive skin always freaks out when seasons change. I assumed that the itchy skin was a reaction to my lotion and switched to body butters with fewer ingredients. I didn’t even consider my newly itchy earlobes as a symptom, but it’s actually one of the most common.
Now when you look at this list of symptoms compiled, it seems pretty obvious right? It wasn’t for me, not until my husband suggested it - in his own way. These symptoms had been active for at least a year before I put 2 & 2 together. I, like many Black women that I know and love, unintentionally ignored the very clear signals that my body was sending me.
I want you to think about your own body…
Have you had some of the same symptoms? Did you think that they were completely unrelated? Did you shrug them off because they happen rather infrequently? Are you very aware of them, but haven’t realized until NOW that you could be in perimenopause?
If I’m talking to you, friend, you are in the right place. Understanding all of this empowers us to take control of our bodies. Let’s break down what we can do about it, together.
Here are some steps you can start taking today to feel more in control of your perimenopause journey:
Track Your Symptoms Knowing your body is key. Keeping a journal of any “new” or “odd” symptoms can help you spot patterns and communicate better with your doctor.
Prioritize Stress Management Chronic stress impacts our hormone levels, which can make perimenopause symptoms worse. My symptoms improved greatly when I began to prioritize self-care. Try incorporating daily breathing exercises or short meditation breaks.
Seek Medical Advocacy Sis, you deserve doctors who listen. Don’t hesitate to find someone who respects your needs, especially if you feel dismissed.
Find Your Support System Whether it’s family, friends, or a group of like-minded women, having a support system makes a huge difference. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Let’s keep this conversation going! Have you been feeling “off” lately or experienced any symptoms you weren’t sure about? Hit reply and let me know, or join our Black Women’s Wellness - Perimenopause and Beyond Facebook group to share your experience. We’re here to support each other, and no question or thought is too small.
Girl, you’ve got this! This is just a new phase on your wellness journey, and together, we can navigate it so that we feel amazing and confident instead of worn down and discouraged. Don’t forget to take a little extra time for yourself this week - you deserve it. 🩷
Sending all of my love,
Chandel✨
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